dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
