he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
