I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
