the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Randomize
