Me too!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize