dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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