Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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