Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
