Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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