I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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