I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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