she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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