i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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