so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
