one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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