im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
