Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
