I think I just saw someone hide a body.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
