everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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