He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
