Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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