sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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