Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
