make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
