You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
