the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm too high and old for this...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
