And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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