On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
