mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
