he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
