Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
