Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
