Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
