Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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