Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I cannot find my penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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