im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
