I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
