**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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