we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
