You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And then my night got REAL pukey
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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