I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
