so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
