I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
