someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize