now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize