how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize