You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
