Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
