so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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