Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
