I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize