She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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