guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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