oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
