The maid of honor just puked.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
