Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize