if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
