my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
