I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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