she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
