so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
