Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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