That's when you crack a 10am beer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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