make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
