I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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