I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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