Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
