This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
